could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
