we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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