wanna go halves on a baby?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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