I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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