What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
