I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize