Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
