it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
