His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
