One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize