i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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