I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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