dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
