just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
