I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
