you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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