I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize