who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
