I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
