Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
we're so committed to being not committed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
