stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
