It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't deserve a penis
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
