I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
