you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
