with your own penis?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
