how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
