The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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