I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
