There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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