This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
