Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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