y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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