thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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