I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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