that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
