I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
