Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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