I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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