This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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