piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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