where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize