I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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