Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
