I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need water and some morals
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
