piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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