ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
