Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
