Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize