when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
