All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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