Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
