You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
