we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
