I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
