im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize