toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
