i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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