Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
