Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
