Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
