It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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