Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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