she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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