Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
