I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Pooping to opera.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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