I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
sick fucks of a feather flock together
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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