I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
