Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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