so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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