I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
