how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize