I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
