All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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