can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
