There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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