He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
