Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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