All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
